Get up, it's a brand new day. I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away.

"we consider what we have not in terms of what we personally have but rather what we have in relation to what we perceive others as having"

Someone was telling me today how they need to get out of their current life situation. I told them to do something to change it and they said "if only it were that easy." This interested me because, I didn't say it was easy to change things. It's like that quote we've all heard a million times: "nobody said it would be easy but they did say it would be worth it." And with that he responded that "i should have said it just isn't possible." I feel like all the work I'm putting into being here and getting good grades and being involved and accomplishing things...it's not just by default that I do it. I consciously choose to do these things, each and every one of them. I choose to get up and go to class (or not go sometimes) and I choose to allocate my time to different things or people. I know that what I'm doing is worth it because it's making a difference in my life and/or the lives of others.

Ironically enough, don't hold me to this because I could be wrong but I'm 99% sure the same person who just told me they needed to get out of life but it's impossible previously told me "tomorrow is no place to place your better days." It's like my note a few months ago about taking your own advice...maybe we all need to do that a little better, I know I do.

I find it hard to sympathize with those who have no drive to change their current life situation and just complain about it. It may just be my nature to say that it IS possible because that's the only way I'll ever get things done, is with motivation. However, some people just have little to no drive to do anything. Granted, if you're comfortable and have everything you need, then do what you're doing and love it. But if you're not in school, living with your parents, and are like me-in your twenties- you at least could set some goals for your future. Keep in mind I am by no means trying to "tell people what to do with their lives." I just can't help but wonder, if you're miserable now how will you not be even more miserable ten years from now? If you have a part time job and make just enough money that you can get what you need but aren't paying rent/for a house, a car, food, etc. then what are you going to do when you have to live on your own? Anyone, and I mean anyone, can go to school if they want to. Maybe not the most expensive school, but there are plenty of loans, grants, scholarships, etc. out there that really will make it possible to get a degree. Or, if school is just not your thing, then start a resume'. Map out your skills and experience and then put them to work! I have a friend who recently did something to change his life and I'm very proud of him. He took what he loved and found a way to make money from it while still enjoying. He is now even able to share that love with others. Sounds cheesy, yes. But it truly takes a lot of work and ambition.

I just saw another interesting quote in my friend's status:
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going." -Beverly Sills

I think this is very true. Granted, there may be ways of getting there faster but that doesn't mean you might not have to do more work to make that happen. A value I have been raised to possess and respect in others is hard work. Yes, it sounds cliche' but I truly have a greater respect for people who know when it's time to put in hard work to get something done. I also have a greater respect for myself when I accomplish something that I know I've worked hard on.

So back to my original quote: "we consider what we have not in terms of what we personally have but rather what we have in relation to what we perceive others as having"
This one caught my mind's eye for two reasons. The first being the one I just discussed, how do we get what we want? The second was the part about "what we perceive others as having." It's very true that we often judge what we have by what we believe others have. We want things others have and sometimes don't even know why. Sometimes in this we forget some of the things we may have that are worth so much. I'm not even necessarily talking about material things. We all possess values and traits that can benefit us and if we put those to good use we can get what we want out of life and be happy.

So, "be happy." What does that mean? Well here we go with the happiness quotes...
"Happiness is found in the absence of expectation and a continuous focus on appreciation" Tony Robbins

But over-used quotes aside, here's my equation for happiness.

The Equation for Happiness

The result of the outcome of an event divided by the expectations one had for that event equals the resulting happiness. Yes, I realize for most anything involving math can't result in happiness. But say one expects something to be wonderful, on a scale of one to ten, a ten. If said thing only turns out to be about an 8 on the "wonderful scale", then the person’s expectations are eighty percent fulfilled by the outcome. Some may look at this as a good eighty percent, a gain, a positive. However, others view it as lacking or a loss of twenty percent. How happy someone is with that eighty percent depends on the person. However, if a person expects something to be bad and it ends up being very good, then it is likely that the person would be happy as a result. Does this mean we should all adopt a negative outlook on life so we'll always be pleased? I'm doubtful that this would have any benefits at all really. Even in the case of surprises, people have a certain expectation or prediction about the time ahead of them. If happily surprised, the outcome has very much exceeded the expectations. Happiness can come in the form of material things, even simply money. But if you expect a certain amount of money or quality of an item, how close the actual amount or quality is will affect your happiness with it. Happiness can also be found in feelings or reactions. The way someone reacts to you or something you do will make you either happy or unhappy. This is because people have certain expectations about what kind of reactions or comments we deserve whether or not we realize it at the time. Thus..

     Outcome
_______________ = HAPPINESS
    Expectation

Therefore, it would stand to reason if we set high expectations for ourselves we can only be disappointed by a less than 100% outcome. However, if you're the kind of person who can look at life as cumulative and realize that all happiness adds like marbles in a vase in the fifth grade, then you will realize that setting high expectations causes you to reach for the highest outcome possible. Therefore, when you achieve the best you can, even with only 90% or even 70% happiness, you add that to the vase of happiness marbles and that's one more accomplishment you can step back and look at. And the "vase" is your overall happiness in life. Alright, so let's get really philosophical then. About halfway through life, is your vase half full or half empty of happiness?

NEITHER. Your vase is just twice as big as it needs to be. If the emptiness in your vase is bothering you, simply get a smaller vase. :) Again, if you're unhappy do something to change it.

You probably have a very easy job -- the kind robots will be doing soon.

If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.
What motivates you? Why do different things motivate different people?

For some people it takes a positive potential incentive while for others, it takes a potential negative consequence. Do you guilt yourself into doing something or work toward the reward you may get when you finish it? Even if both the reward and consequence are intrinsic instead of extrinsic, would guilt or stress of a bad grade motivate you better or worse than the feeling of accomplishment and pride in your work?

Why is it so easy for me to break down this concept, look up things about it, analyze it and form an opinion when it would suddenly become much harder to do if it were a paper for a class with a due date and a grade attached to it?
I guess it might not be if you didn't care about your grades or turning things in on time-or if you didn't like writing blogs and Facebook notes like I do.

I originally thought of this during econ after I gave what was apparently a good enough answer for my professor to tell me to "sit back, relax and bask in the glory for the rest of the class." fine with me!

But honestly, food motivates me. If I tell myself that when I finish something I will get to eat or go get food or coffee, I know I can make it through. In addition, I truly do guilt myself into doing homework most of the time. I hate turning things in late or incomplete and I will somehow always subconsciously force myself to do something just for the sake of not having to experience the feeling when it's not done or I don't turn it in.

p.s. if you go to diy.despair.com you can make your own demotivators like the one I attached (I didn't make this one though)

cause i see now, it's just one of those daze

More often than not I start out my day in that morning daze where you know you've got a long way to go and there's just nothing you can do about it. I agree with most that this is a fairly disheartening way to start a day but try as I might, I don't find the energy to change it. Though days it's sunny it's always easier to open the window, turn on the music and get going. But somewhere along the morning routine; sometimes on the walk to class and often not until the walk back from class, I get that burst of energy and excitement. I love the feeling when you realize you have about 12 hours to accomplish something and the opportunities are endless. This is a much better outlook of course, but it takes effort to reach this point. In my case, it's often the music I listen to is that sets the course for my day. Though it doesn't always happen, I crave that energetic feeling I get and can channel that energy into getting through my day.

But sometimes there's just days that don't go this way. Everybody has those days. There may be no particular reason, yet things are building up. I know I need a break but I'm not quite there yet, therefore I write of course. But the combination of friendships, relationships, the future and the past, and of course the present current situations can be enough to overwhelm or dishearten anyone. So we need a method to push past these things and see the bigger picture where life is good and we're lucky and loved.

I see people and the way they treat those around them and sometimes I wonder if they even hear themselves. While I'm as guilty as some in this sense, those who know me well tend to understand that it's rooted in one of two causes. First, my sense of humor. Of course I could filter my comments sometimes, but one of my good friends often tells me "honesty will be your downfall". This is not to say that I'm always 100% truly and whole heartedly honest with everyone about everything. After all, NO ONE is this way. But I do tend to be (often harshly) honest. But those close to me understand I have a sympathetic side when needed.But apparently my sarcastic or logical side is beginning to take a toll on people. It saddens me because I hate to burn a bridge, I do tend to gravitate toward the "I want everyone I know to like me" side. While this is of course impossible, I still attempt it as do many others. Another friend once told me "Steph, you can try to be friends with the whole world but you'll be damned if you think they'll all want to be friends with you." There's something to be said for this logic but what baffles me is then, how..if I apparently am the type to try to be friends with the whole world, do I also get accused of being mean? Probably because I'm human. We all have both these sides present in our personality just to different degrees. Everyone is nice. Everyone is not nice. Everyone cares. Everyone doesn't care. Everyone is human.

In a Freshman guide for college I got from a less-than-qualified author at a convention once, there was a passage that said this: "90% of the world is stuck in rejection denial, a dangerous place where you think everyone should like you. We rarely give the people we like permission to not share our feelings. Come out of denial and give the world permission to not want you, but know you are still attractive and desirable." When I first read this I was appalled. Who would say this to Freshman as help and encouragement? But when I thought about it for a day or two I realized he's kind of right. While I still disagree with the wording- we really can gain a lot from allowing others to not like us or agree with our choices simply because they're different people. If we can respect that and still know we're valuable people then what do we have to lose?

The second reason I tend to come of as..I guess you could say harsh..is it's an effective defense mechanism of course. It's true that most of the time it's just my personality and my nature, but sometimes I do have such a grasp of my tone that I can use it to avoid comments/other situations by brushing things off as a joke. Sometimes the cause of this is said to be, by popular assumption, my busy schedule. I'm by no means over-committed, I've been there in the past and I know what it feels like. So what is it that causes that sudden lack of patience for people?

When I first wrote this back in March, I'd noticed an increase in people's judgments of me. Not that people were necessarily judging me more but rather I was noticing it more. Not that I've ever been one to care about what people think (in most cases) there's a point when what people think of the way I act can do something to them. In the defense mechanism sense, I'd been slacking. My true honest feelings were coming out more often.

So what is it about our society today that dislikes this "honesty"? Why must we use so much discretion in our thoughts and actions? Well it's in part because we're trying to convince ourselves that everything we do is justified. But in most cases if we did something it was thus justified to us and need no further explanation. But we're not content with accepting the actions and words of others simply at it being their words and actions and thus can be whatever they choose.

So why do I constantly feel the need to justify myself? "I'm not mean, I'm honest. I'm not racist, I'm joking. I'm not procrastinating, I'm simply waiting until later. I'm not atheist, I'm logical." Probably because for some reason lately I've felt guilty for the way I "apparently" treat people. I've been told I don't appreciate friendships or things that are given to me. But my faith has been lost in so many things in our society today. But friendships/relationships have not failed me completely. There is still so much love in my life. So why are people so caught up in things like acceptance, not just success but perfection, not just maintaining but growth? There's this constant need for others' approval or acceptance and guides...or pushes many in this fashion. (ha, fashion...a perfect example where approval is of course a factor and again I'm as guilty as many)

I've always been one to 'march to the beat of my own drum' or 'not care what people think' but this is not necessarily true. Of course, I was the one to braid my hair around a coat hanger and string battery operated Christmas lights around it in high school and embraced people's attempts to judge me or get me down about it. Yet, I do care what people think in that I want people to see that I have goals, morals and am knowledgeable and professional. I want to come off as dedicated, committed, honest and trustworthy. But don't we all? So how do we accomplish it?

There is a sense of professionalism that comes with the way we dress. It's not exactly that I want people to judge me by the way I look (be it dressed and ready to work and represent something greater or running around with hangers holding up my hair twinkling with Christmas lights while wearing a lime green and black polka-dot spandex suit..oh, I didn't mention the outfit before did I?), but rather I want my outfits to allow for people to respect me. Because in the 21st century there's such an emphasis on the visual/appearance, this is obviously many people's first judgement passed. If I were to walk into an interview and introduce myself wearing jeans with tears and a low cut tank top, there's not a chance I would be taken seriously. But why do I stress myself out with my hair style, make up, choice of matching shoes?

So back to my previous discontent with that Wednesday morning back in March. Do not get me wrong,my joking, sarcastic, dry sense of humor will never go away. But while I attempt discretion I feel as those around me do quite the opposite. So my views may be different than yours, so I may accept or not accept things you do or do not accept.

Yet isn't there some kind of common bond we could have at this point? Over our justification of our choices that is. It's so easy to develop that type of bond quickly with strangers; imagine you walk into an elevator and someone's phone rings, you love the song and the person next to you smiles or laughs a little. Without thinking you immediately feel a connection with these people simply because you have something in common in the situation. It would then stand to reason that we could all find similarities and eventually all be connected. But rather, we work to separate ourselves from others.

So as I get ready to turn my attention back to work and open my itunes to choose a song to work with...again, to set the course of the rest of my day, I consider those I may encounter. I will work to maintain my energy and enthusiasm and do my best to consider others' feelings before making jokes (I make no promises about the success of this part..haha--again here I go) but I ask you to consider this; what would happen if you'd look only at similarities rather than differences with people? I now see that in the past two years some things have changed that I can truly blame on no one but myself. But each day I inch closer to not just my "old self" but a new and improved version by adding what I've learned. I used to be, without fail, the excited one...the one to go to when you needed a brighter look on things. So I guess I should start taking my own advice!

Do what you need to do to find your driving energy and show people what you have to offer. The attention (we crave) you gain from this could be highly beneficial...or people could just judge you for trying ;) but do NOT feel the need to justify yourself. Your justification is in your right to do what you choose. Take things for what they are and nothing more and it will take away so much of the unnecessary guess work in life.

If you made it through this entire note I must 1. congratulate you and 2. ask what you were putting off by reading! Ha, but don't justify it to me, I'm just happy you read. After all, that's my point. Happy first day of Summer everyone!

if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always gotten

ever have a day where the way people sneeze pisses you off?

it's not so much that i'm easily irritated, in fact i could be having an exceptionally good day cet.par. so i guess i have no reasonable explanation as to why, but sometimes little things just get to me. i was cleaning out old emails as my 8am professor rambled on about how

"a 100% on a paper would lead you to believe you're a good writer and we don't want that or you won't continue to strive to improve"

or something like that, undoubtedly for freshman that i planned on paying no further attention to anyway. then, when i came across a certain email my heart sank. it's weird how remembering a situation can just about put you right back in it sometimes. so, while i was reminiscing and taking a trip back to last year...this girl in my class kept sneezing. right in my ear. she kind of spit when she sneezed. then she'd sniff, not once but ten or eleven times...every two seconds. sniff. sniff. i'm sitting here examining the depth of my current situation in life and this girl has the audacity to interrupt my thoughts with her

SNIFF, SNIFF.

it's as if she didn't know what i was thinking...ha,

okay i'll admit i may be over reacting. but how can i manage to completely tune out my professor and the click click click of 18 other computer mouses in the class and not this girl? oh but then, then she raises her hand and does one of those

asking-a-question-that-sounds-like-a-statement-just-to-say-that-you-know-something things like

"well, isn't it blah blah blah throw in some economic terms..cause that's what i thought"

which then causes the professor to answer with

"well yes, [name of girl] that's exactly correct."

thus i return back to my 852 old emails. but as i'm reading a rather interesting one from my mom about a year ago...i see something blinking on the computer screen out of the corner of my eye. you can never really ignore that little blinking set of words in the other internet tab no matter how hard you try. so i click it.

a friend had popped up on facebook chat. what's interesting is how something as simple as a sneeze can irritate me and something as simple as a hello from someone can put a smile back on my face. i was chatting with this person and started to think to myself, really stephanie? you were bothered by a sneeze and a few sniffles. then, of course... at the exact same time as stupid-sneeze-girl sniffs, i sniffed in as well. it made me laugh because i thought;

"hm, what if i've been doing it this whole time and didn't even realize it?"

i'm on the tail end of a cold..ya know what? i totally could have been.